Ho’o what? It’s pronounced exactly as it’s spelled including both Os at the beginning. It’s a Hawaiian word for a philosophical understanding that what’s coming at you is coming from you. Yep, that’s right! I bring on everything I experience: the good, the bad and the ugly. I do that with the energy of my thoughts, especially the subconscious thoughts that are generally undetected and if they are, they are frequently denied as the direct cause of my actions and emotions. Like Yoda says when Luke asks what’s in the cave, “Only what you take in with you.” This puts the personal responsibility for my own conditions right on my doorstep and on no one else.
How the hell does that work when it’s my boss whose behavior makes him seem like the lowest evacuation point in the body?
Let me back up a bit and start with something that most of us have experienced more than once. You’re in a checkout line and someone is staring at you, you feel an itch that you actually have to scratch because that’s where their attention is focused and eventually you’re uncomfortable enough that you turn around and catch them in the act. Neither one says anything, but catching them usually gets them to look away and the itchy feeling stops.
How did you know someone was looking at you? You felt it! It was visceral and it eventually got your attention. If something so simple as staring at someone can connect two people at an emotional level (not liking the feeling) then thoughts and emotions about another person will transmit themselves to that person also. Only with more volume! We may not think we’re telepathic, but we all are to some extent or other and those who are around us most often will get our signals faster and more clearly than strangers in a checkout line.
Okay, where does Ho’oponopono come in? Stage right, right here, where I have thoughts about another person, good or bad. The person staring at me sometimes smiles at me, and the experience moves from uncomfortable to feeling more pleasant. If I have worked with someone for a long time and many feelings have piled up, expanded and come home with me, haunt my late Sunday evenings and give me a sick feeling about going back to work tomorrow, I’m the cause of that, not my boss or his or her actions, words or behavior. I know it’s difficult to believe at first, but if the example above is true, then I should have intervened earlier, before I was full of anger and resentment.
When and how do I do it? I don’t want to lose my job but this pustule of a boss is more than my emotional stamina can put up with. How do I take responsibility and fix this?
Hang in here, it’s really simple but don’t be fooled by the simplicity of the technique, it’s far more effective than you can possibly imagine until you’ve done it for a while. Especially if it took some time to get to the emotional state described above.
- It starts with really mentally looking at the person and recognizing that God put them here on Earth, probably has a different plan than the one I’ve come up with in my imagination, and there is a gift here if I can uncover it and receive its teaching.
- Because the person is a creation of God, I do love them, which doesn’t mean I like their behavior, looks or anything else about them. He wants them here and I want to honor that and love his cretins—I mean creations.
- I also need to recognize that in the same way that staring at someone can cause an effect, my thoughts, body language and actions cause a response in that person too. Because the response is not what I want, I’m sorry that something in me brought out the behavior that isn’t attractive for either of us to experience. I’m truly sorry that something in me did that to them.
- I mentally ask them to forgive me for creating these unwanted and negative emotions that exist between us.
- I’m thankful that I got to see that my own behavior is responsible for at least a full half of what we both experience because now I can change my behavior and the eventual out come. When they catch on even subconsciously, things between us will change for the better. Promise!
Is it easy, yes it is, and it is done mentally, no awkward discussions, no horrible confrontations and it can be done every time I see the person, think of the person or interact with them in any way. The quickest way to ease that tight stomach tension about another interaction with that person is to do the following, mentally.
“I love you.
I’m sorry something in me brought this out in you.
Thank you for letting me recognize this thing, feeling, emotion, is inside of me because I can change it, get rid of it, and I can make a healthier mental behavior choice.”
I didn’t DO something visible in the physical action sense, I thought it and it changed my experience. Even if the person is still behaving like the bodily black hole, I’m not and that feels good.