I’ve been feeling this post, inspired by a conversation between myself and a lovely friend, brewing for a number of days now, but I listened to my intuition telling me to wait before writing it. I waited until I had my session with my Theta Healer (look up Theta Healing or ThetaHealing if you are not familiar with this modality. Alongside reiki it has made a profound and speedy difference to me in healing PTSD and issues around eating disorders). I wanted to see if anything else came through which I could transmit to readers of this post, any messages for people at large, shining light on what readers may be feeling, particularly at this somewhat frenetically charged time of year. I was right to wait.
We humans are all fair game for the energies, conditioning and emotional and physical states of a well-known phrase: “not good enough” (NGE). What reaction does that phrase trigger inside you? For me it’s physical tension in my shoulders, churning and aching in my lower abdomen, a pain in my womb, increased heart beat, sweat on my back, migraine and the racing thoughts of anxiety, victimhood, acting out my fear and defensiveness towards others—particularly the person, place or thing that has triggered my NGE wound. In the past, the triggering of NGE within me was so frequent that it wasn’t even like a deeply hidden scar, but more like I wore the NGE as a visible way of being. It was energy that manifested itself in addiction and self-harm.
These behaviors are symptomatic of the trauma we carry from the first moment we ever felt NGE. Of course, not every person on the planet becomes a self-harming, anorexic, drug addict, but we do all find ways to mask and numb our pain of NGE whether it’s being the best employee, the hardest worker, the most glamorous, the joker, the super-rational one, the intellectual, the life and soul of the party, the helper, the one who has time for everyone (except oneself). Until I fell into the arms of my healing journey (a journey which is endless) I had no idea of the pain I was living in as a result of my ego latching on to the belief that I was NGE. NGE was sucking the life out of me and true to the words from A Course in Miracles my ego was “at best suspicious and at worst, vicious” reinforcing my belief that I was not only NGE, but the worst of the worst.
But what if this NGE is not really yours? It will definitely feel like your own brain is thinking those thoughts triggered by the NGE wound, because it is the ego in you reacting to a threat to its survival, that it needs to be good enough. Good enough for what? For whom? Who made the measure for what is good enough anyway? It is conditioning that is hundreds of hundreds of years old. We inherit it from our ancestral lines, this belief that we are somehow lacking, somewhat defunct, insufficient. If we choose, we can question this belief of NGE. This inquiry can be anything from gently and lovingly challenging it, asking whether or not the belief is really true, all the way through to looking back into our ancestral lineage (with a healer and meditation) and seeing where this NGE began impacting your family, and at what point you inherited it as gospel. For it is not your truth. You can heal your ancestral line by choosing the truth that you are enough.
Your truth is that you are divine consciousness in human form on this three dimensional planet. You are a soul in a bodily container—in other words (and I feel this one really suits for me): on this planet, but not of it. There is nothing NGE about this.
On this gorgeous, sensory, 3D planet where our souls can experience some of the most beautiful moments of life, we are at the same time born into a system of rules, regulations, comparisons, competitions, judgements, hierarchy, patriarchy, lack and fear. These systems are breaking down (which is very messy to see and a challenge to stay grounded through) but it is the soul energies coming forward and breaking our NGE conditioning which can make space for us to live a heart-governed life, instead of an ego-driven one; said another way, you can let our heart drive and your ego do its thing instead of being in the judgement-led NGE zone quite so much. You can combine your divine truth with your 3D, human experience for a more free and compassionate experience here on planet Earth.
So how would it be for you to live with less NGE? How would you like to feel? It is possible. You can.
The NGE got triggered in me this week as my ego got hooked into the conditioning of needing a “proper job”, needing money, feeling inferior to those on a consistent payroll, and that fact that I have no table and chairs in my flat for guests to sit upon—hilarious now, but it felt painful as I let it all come up, and come up it did, up from the shadows for healing.
This is the beginning of 2019. Let your self and soul feel the merriment and warmth of being enough. Bathe in it. It’s yours.